DOOOONG!

was feeling rather lazy today.
and i hope that i can buy some chinese software that i can write on some board that makes me type chinese characters in com easily.

today meifong just told me that yating (she was once in cyyam) her friend met with an accident in taiwan.
the car knocked her and ran over. crushing her and she died instantly.
an hit-and-run incident.
yating told meifong long ago la. but today she mentioned it.
i was shocked la.
meifong added: "想象你身边的朋友突然就有一个不在了."
how sad is that.
meifong said yating was angry at that time.
but im sure sadness is definitely more than anger.
death is so scary.
i don't mind im the one dying. but it matters a lot if my friend died.
perhaps one of the most important lesson that humans have to learn is to cherish.
we always take things for granted, never give thanks enough, never appreciate people enough..
and i've been treating my parents badly too.
but it's so so difficult, to really express your love to them.
and i just realised that somehow i can get quite uncomfortable when they encourage me.
maybe im just super not used to it.
i'll always ignore my dad, say cold words to him, give him black face.
he'll always complain how obedient am i when i was young then now give such attitude and stuff.
but it's so so difficult.
i tried so hard. to break a smile. to say something.
all my muscles are so tensed.
he once asked me if i think he's a good dad.
haha i was so so shocked.
when im thinking how to answer, he answered it for himself.
haiz. how to cherish people around you more?
there's always people that you can contact, call them and maintain the relationship.
there's always birthdays that you can remember, do something to appreciate them and thank them for their care and concern.
but sometimes it's so hard la. so so hard. to ignore emotions like awkwardness or embarrassment or sadness or anger to maintain relationships.
what about those people whom you once hurt?
or those people who once hurt you?
or those people who you once had a crush on?
and it's so difficult to respond to them.

haha talking about crush.
last time when i was in P6, i wrote love letter to this guy i like in my class.
of course he rejected me la coz i knew he like this girl.
but what i was thinking was to try lor. who knows right.
then in the end can't even be good friends. haha.
in the end became best friend with his friend.
those were the simple days.
oh last time those popular guys in my primary school are my friends lor!
very close friends some more! can call and talk on the phone until dunno what time.
last time my ah ma everytime scold me say i use the phone for too long.
now ah... looking around me. where got handsome and popular guys. haha.
gossipy one got a lot. ahaha.
maybe last time i treated myself like a guy.
the only thing i hate is exercising. coz i live like a pig when i was young.
that's why got so fat. haha.
those friends.. were gone with the wind..
relationships are so complicated. ziling said. super true lor.
complicated until sometimes really want to make my pull out all my hair, knock my head against the wall, gorge out my eyes, chop off my hands and feet...
but haiyah, i never do any of those things and life still goes on..

how i wish i can return to the past and change things.
change those decisions i've once made.
change things i've once said.
but if i change, then maybe im not who am i now i guess.

primary school days....
seemed so far away already.
secondary school life seem to have lots of happiness and laughter.
jc life seem to have never happened before. (except that memories with jc friends are the best!)
and now, i'm jobless, school-less, bestfriendless, moneyless, skinnyless, fatsmore, chipsmore!
sigh more, get on with your life, xiaoling. appreciate the people who are still breathing in your life.
and stupid yonghwee wants to cheat my $5 for his no-handsome-guys photo.
im not a 3-year-old kid okayyyy. dream on!
maybe my future husband's photo will worth that amount.
if he's able to know who and get it. haha.
okay, today's monday! and monday is always a red day!

oh the soba i made today was quite nice! wahaha.