this book is so good, so super good until i have many things to share.
but then too much nice things to share until i lazy to type here and will advise all of you to read that book instead. haha
but okay la, i share a little.
BUILDING A FRIENDSHIP
1. an attitude of acceptance.
It is important to realise that the world and spiritual believers approach people in entirely different ways. the world is concerned to fence with people, to discover whether or not they are "acceptable".Conditional acceptance destroys people.
The glory of the gospel is that the lord God accepts us unconditionally on the basis of the finished work of Lord Jesus.
His acceptance of us becomes the pattern and motive for our attitude of acceptance toward others.
Such attitude is not natural.
But as we ask the Holy Spirit to replace our cautious, critical attitude, which tends to evaluate and reject people, with His love, which yearns to accept them, we will experience a new and liberating of relating to people.
2.Mutual attraction.
"He who loves someone or something cleaves to him, runs after him, goes after him, continues his faithfulness.
Beneath this yearning to be near someone physically lie internal emotions; one is knit to the soul of another, is occupied with affectionate desire, choose the one he loves; the one chosen is lovely, precious, or honoured... Love is the passionate desire to be intimately united with a person (in all life's relationships, not only inwardly, but also outwardly) with whom one finds himself united in his affections."
We are not used to using such a strong word describe friendship, but the essence of it is a desire to share one's life.
The essence of Jonathan and David's friendship is that it went beyond superficial attraction and natural attraction to spiritual attraction.
At the deepest level of their lives, they held in common knowledge and love of God that had led them to stand side by side in love.
An expression of commitment: Prov. 17:17 ''A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
We must let our friend know that it is the motto of our life.
The value of pledging our loyal friendship, we are committing ourselves to the idea that there is no backdoor in our relationship, and to a ministry in out friend's life, even in midst of difficult circumstances.
3.Genuine openess.
There was obviously a risk in opening up your life to your friend, but there can be no friendship without risk, and no love without vulnerability. When i open my life to someone else, i am giving myself away, and that is costly. but how much more costly is it not to give? Appreciative enjoyment.
Some people have difficulty developing friendship just because they are so intense about their friends that they literally smother frienship. They see every moment of weakness on the part of a friend-bad humor or moodiness-as a sign that the friendship is in trouble.
They are very sensitive to imagines slights and are easily offended.
As a result, they always seem to be watching their friends, and one can never relax and enjoy being a friend.
Friendship involves a confidence in the other person that is very giving, but also undemanding. Friendship is to be enjoyed, not endlessly analyzed, and a friend must be careful to give him a breathing room.
HOW TO DESTROY A FRIENDSHIP
1. make sure your frienship is based on what the other person can do for you.
Be selfish.
Love born out of a lack.
No human friend, whatever his gifts, can be what only God can be to us.
Any relationship built on the fact that ''they meet my needs'' is headed for inevitable disillusionment.
2. Be possessive.
Do all you can to keep that person as your private property.
Possessiveness almost inevitably follows from because we have a lack in our lives, we cling to the person we need.
How can he meet my needs and also be someone else's friend?
I feel hurt when im not included in all his activities.
One mark of a mature person is that he is capable of deep relationships with a number of people, and that he is able to allow his friends to enjoy other friendships.
3. Cultivate jealousy.
Keep a firm grasp on what is yours and protect it against all intruders.
Jealousy is the passion to protect what i have, an attitude that comes from an inward fear that ''it isn't really mine after all.''
It is of basic importance that you do not practise trust and openess if you are committed to destroying a friendship.
4. Let it all ''hang out.''
Don't discuss your anger and irritation; explode.
When we are irritated by the actions of a friend or a partner, the only reasonable thing to do is to sit down and talk those things through.
As long as it is bottled up within us, the pressure grows stronger until we can no longer control or contain it.
If you really want to deal a death blow to a friendship, let your anger build up to the point that you will say or do something you can never undo.
Uncontrolled anger is a powerful weapon for destruction.
5. Avoid the person who threatens and annoys you.
Do all you can to stay out of his way.
Either face the deal with the problems surfaced or avoid the source of the problem.
Face it.
6. Cultivate envy.
Focus so much on what the other person has that you will do anything to get it.
Jealousy is the attitude that makes me grasp what I have.
Envy is the drive that makes me reach for what others have.
Envy, it should be noted has two handmaids- criticism and blaming.
There is some relief for out inward turmoil if we can point out to others the flaws, real and imagined, in a former friend.
Then if he can be blamed for our problems, there is justification for out inward bitterness.
7. Harbor hatred in your heart.
Believe that your feeling of comtempt for his abilities or even his person is justified.(Using Saul as example, his hatred was so deep that he took active steps to end David's life.)To have comtempt for another's ability or person is to be as guilty as Saul in God's sight.
GOD'S REMEDY
1. Admit.
Unless we are willing to face the facts about the difficulties in our relationship with others, we cannot know God's blessing on out friendships.
If a brother has something against us, justifiied or not, we need to deal with that issue then and there.
Irritants that we wished away do not vanish; they flourish underground until the pressure is so immense that a volcanic eruption occurs.
At that point, only drastic measures can resolve what could have bee resolved very simply at the start.
2. Initiate.
It is important to realise that, according to the Lord Jesus, the onus is not on the offending party or the offended party, but on both parties to resolve the issue.
3.Correct.
"First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering."
Reconcilation is a priority over even worship in such a situation.
There is a holy urgency about our responsibility.
Honest confrontation can only solidify a friendship, but unresolved conflicts harden like concrete.
4. Love.
The great concern in all the believer does is to act in love. The emphasis is not on feeling an emotion of love. but on acting in love. When love is not practised, disintegration is inevitable. [The book quoted CS Lewis. Too long so i never type out. haha]
Yup. it's really long. but i hope all of you can read it slowly when you all have the time.
i guess it requires some thinking and understanding. and please lend that book if you have, and read FAST the book if you managed to borrow.
AND RESULTS ARE OUT THIS FRIDAY! CONFIRMED!!
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