thank God for talking a lot to me this week.
for making me realise that i have to stop following my emotions.
and face all the truth i've been running away.
im an emo girl and a typical escapist. haha. how difficult.
it's so difficult to remain as determined.
i have to keep focus on the reason for making that decision.
it's for obeying God. it's for changing to a better life. it's for impacting others' life too.
like what ailing said today: are we ready to impact lives?
it made me think. how can i impact people's lives if my life is in a mess?
and i want to be a teacher too. to impact lives.
i never said much why i want to be right. haha. shall share it here.
well, i want to influence people to start learning and loving chinese. i want to share what i've learnt. i enjoy building good relationships.
honestly, though being a dm is stressful and difficult to cope at times, i really enjoy taking people.
seeing them grow spiritually is what all dms wish to see.
to be there for them whenever they need you.
to help them, to scold them, to remind them.
a tough job. but the satisfaction is a lot when they grow and serve God happily.
haha im like side tracking. being an I person.. it's so difficult to be organised. haha.
yah, i was doing qt yesterday and God says to be disciplined and determined.
yes, i need to be. but to do that, i must want to obey God.
and get the motivation from Him.
and today from qt, it says: it's from crisis we can see that person's relationship with God. if he/she is ready to battle, getting the weapons from God.
i must start gathering weapons from God already.
to fight many many battles i have. and not run away like a coward.
though im still quite emo at times. ahaha. i guess only those people closer to me will agree that im getting more and more emo.
i guess before a's. im like super emo already. it got worse this year.
and God showed me the problems and consequences.
being emo can influence people indirectly, develope manymany unnessesary negative thoughts, to lose the trust on people most important to you, to become a burden to others, become selfish and only think about yourself... aiyah all the negative effects la.
it got worse when you feel insecure about things. relationships, desire attention from specific people, environment, money............................... haha not money la.
it made me feel so guilty and bad about it.
to see people tolerating your quietness at times, your temper your laziness and many other unreasonable stuff.
specially friends. good friends, d, dm, kebab.
i don't want to be a liability to them but an asset. haha. im expensive and priceless.
i want to stop tearing and crying. i could control my tears very well before i enter jc.
cry less then ten times after primary school. haha.
after jc, dunno how many times. hundred times? thousand times?
i want to stop crying unnessarily. though kebab keeps saying: just cry when you feel like, don't care about the world.
it's difficult. i've been taught not to drop tears easily. especially in front of others.
that's why, i cry alone. ahaha so sad right. only times i buay tahan then in front of dm and kebab. haha
i've never thought i'll share so much here. because most of the time, i want to show how happy i am. so people will not worry.
it's time, to be humble and expose your weaknesses.
what's there to be embarrassed about. most of the people who read my blog are from cyyam.
we sing 我们成为一家人 everytime. have to live it out.
we are a family. what's there to hide? RIGHT?
and it feels better too. haha.
yah, please pray for me okay. it's a tough period, to try to control emotions well.
have to rely a lot on God.
Story of cockroach and kebab.
cockroach: so sad. cannot run fast fast.
kebab: boh bianz, you have to follow my speed! heeeeheeeee.
cockroach: okay lor.. give me sometime to adjust to your speed ah!
kebab: okay! im still trying vehvehveh hard to catch up too! wait for me okayz!
cockroach: okayokay! remember the line i told you before? the line between a kebab and a cockroach? make sure you hold tight to the line no matter what okay? no matter how difficult it is. i'll make sure i hold onto it tightly.
kebab: *dunno what will kebab answer*
cockroach: i hope i won't be a cockroach soon. being a cockroach is so so sad! people sweep me around, hate me, thinks im dirty.
kebab: you're not a cockroach, i am.
cockroach: huh?!?! that's my identity! don't steal it!
kebab: im a cockroach lalala~
cockroach: *confused* don't go first! i haven't chu you! CHUUUUUUUU~~
kebab: heeheeeee. chu!(imagined kebab to say. kebab never say...)
and the life of kebab and cockroach continues.. hopefully smoother than ever, happier than ever.
it's the tough times where you'll see true friendship.
treasuring, trusting, believing, determined, loving, hoping, enjoying, comforting, encouraging, warmth, waiting, tolerating, understanding and giving.
we're still lacking one last thing. am still waiting. am still trusting and everything listed above.
cockroach: why never say............ *disappointed*
sorry for this random story. ahaha
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