friendships

Met pf on friday, was a short meeting but it was fruitful i guess.
it made me remembered more about things happened in the past.
past friendships.

i realised, sometimes i do know those 'friends' i had were using me, because i will always listen to them, try to solve their problems if i can, accompany them whenever they need me to, but they never reciprocate.
though i felt hurt at times when they are ungrateful, but i just keep doing the same thing, letting the same kind of friends to hurt me again and again.
haha im too nice la!
perhaps i'm really people oriented, to me, trust is something that must exist before a relationship can have any development.
so i'll trust people a lot, as in believe in what they say, the promises they made.
but i've learnt that sometimes promises are broken because of some circumstance and some unspoken conditions.
which made me really disappointed. like how come people will like that one... in the first place don't promise lor.
but maybe they didn't even know they are going to break the promise in the future. and they meant in when they say it.
okay and well i guess it's difficult to know what i really want. a friend told me before that i'm difficult to please, like a queen. haha, only those people who knows me enough will say this.
yes, im hard to please.
because i don't express much about my thoughts and feelings. though i talk a lot and share a lot on blog, still very little on what i've thought and feel about.
and i feeeeeel a lot of emotions everytime.
maybe that's why i keep thinking why i put in so much effort to sustain a friendship, how come the other person never do the same.
but perhaps that person did try but using his/her way, which may not please me in a way or what.
haiyah humans are really complicated.
the more i think about how i will think and feel about things, and putting myself in other people's shoes and think further, it's really complicated.
and only a few people knows and saw that the other side of me.
the weak, dark, depressed, negative me. (be honoured if you're one of those)
because i've hid it so well that i subconsciously buried it. but God has been really nice, to show me that side of me. especially through the people around me.
today's sermon, is to thank those people who've hurt you, who've did many wrong things to you, because they helped in your growth, spiritually or mentally.
and i guess, maybe in the end i may not mind if people are using me or not. as long as im not using other people and im doing something that i enjoy, which is to know that people around me are happy, whether people reciprocate or what, it doesn't matter.
because i know there're other people who cares about my life.
i am already thankful enough for that.