celebrated daniel's birthday yesterday!
was quite fun la. feels like mini 4A gathering.
then talked about all the funny things happened during sec 4, funny people, suannings, relationships between people..
haha like wow. we've all grown up.
19 years old. and daniel's 20. we always call him uncle.. haha
had a really good talk with him before the meeting, about spiritual growth, having a close christian buddy and stuff. i really learnt a lot.
he told me that by knowing God's will, you have to walk through it.
i guess he meant things like knowing God's will for your future. like schools, courses to take etc.
like you have to experience it to know whether it's God's will.
i agree but said that's not the only way la.
then he told me, faith comes in whether your plan will work out or not.
and added, that's what it meant by walking in faith.
then i'm reminded of my QT like to obey God, i have to make God's will my will.
sometimes i feel i'm overly afraid of somethings, for the future, relationships.
of course i'm super afraid of losing.
but i guess many things happened because of God's will.
and how much i can accept that. how am i able to give thanks in all circumstances.
jia hui once said, a person leaves God may not be because he has no faith in that point of his life, where he's struggling, but it may be because he has no faith in the first place.
not sure if i've shared this in my blog before. but it leaves a powerful impact.
and it was like months ago when she said that.
of course, im afraid i may not have the faith in the first place.
but im not sure if it's true. because how can a person grow spiritually when he/she has no faith in the first place?
but haha have to wait for answers to come lor.
okay i like side track a lot. until i dunno what am i trying to say.
maybe trying to say what are my thoughts la.
yah, also had a good talk with junjie, before celebrating daniel's birthday, when going for interview with him at the recuit express.
it was a good sharing, i feel, about our opinions towards things.
and when i was on my way home, i also talked to yong guang la.
of course, he'll talk about girls.. haha.
but also quite funny.
really thank God for the time together with them.
recently i've been feeling quite numb again, about emotions.
like i can't really feel sadness or happiness or anger lei.
though i know in this situation i should be angry/sad/happy.
just can't feel much. and follow the flow lor.
don't know it's good or bad.
but i know i'm controlling my emotions better.
just have to put in more effort to control my thoughts.
have been reminded of many sad things happened in the past.
and been feeling really insecure.
insecurity is a powerful emotion.... eh, is it an emotion? or thought?
hmm. dunno la. it really controls how i react towards people.
the fear of losing significant people, the fear of offending people, the fear of destroying relationships..
i even thought like what if one day, one of my friend just die and leave me.
i sure go crazy lor.
but when you say cherish the people around la! it feels so weird, because you take it for granted that they will be always there. and you'll feel ridiculous to treat them in a way like they're dying soon. haha.
so life goes on. as the same. haiz.
today's fellowship was okayokay la.
asked kai en and junjie a lot of questions that i've been wanted to ask.
but i hoped that more people can come today... today is like shrunken size.
wei en...... haha. so xin ku studying for exams.
then likuan sick.
so sad lor.
suddenly people very little.
okay la. not very but quite little.
aiyah i very tired want to go slack and rest already.
happy labour day!
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