I wish she's smiling in the skies

It makes me wonder, especially at this point of my life, why weddings are considered special.

I always thought it's like birthdays.
It's something in life to be happy about, if we celebrate a person's existence, we should also celebrate two person's union.

And all along I've dreamed of having people who are sincerely interested in my life to be part of the celebration. They are the ones who knows me, who saw how much I've been through to make this big decision, who will tear because they are truly happy for me, and worry because they know what I'll be facing ahead.

My perfect wedding is held in a garden, with trees and twigs, birds and flowers, sunshine and the sky. And most importantly, the hearty laughter. That is why weddings are special isn't it?
 To receive blessings, words of advice and encouragement, and assurance that the wedded will never walk this path alone.

"I know I ask perfection of a quite imperfect world. And fool enough to think that's what I'll find."
~I Know I Need to be in Love-Carpenters

But truth is, we can never draw a straight line, or a perfect circle in this crazy world.
There are people who came into your life and left, there are people who came to stay, there are people who are forced to come into your life and there are people who are never in your life.
Things got worse, when you've decided that life is not just about yourself.

So you took out a pen and wrote the name of anyone who is connected to you someway or another, and be prepared to see the loud colours of the different fabric, the layers of powder and lipstick, and the different sorts of conversation exchanged, but not so much of the greenery and chirping of the little animals I have always dreamed of.

And that's not the most saddening thing.

There's a special person, who has every reason to be there, whom I've promised to save the best seats for, could not be there.

"What is important cannot be seen... If you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look up at the night sky. All the stars are in bloom." ~The Little Prince

It was then I wish something or somebody can give me some hope. To talk to her like a friend, to laugh like a mad girl, to cry like a baby, to lean on like a weary old dog.

But I was never seen and never heard. Or maybe I thought so.

And the most saddening thing that have happened, is that a significant person, who understands the importance of a wedding used it as a weapon, to grow fear in people, to take away smiles on faces, to hurt and to disappoint.

The wedding, in my eyes, has lost its meaning.