Today is one of the days I struggled with sleep.
I never had problems with sleep since young, I have always been a sleepy baby, I used to be able to sleep everywhere.
Last year came and it became a big problem for me.
I was afraid of it, of the endless darkness, the heavy eyelids and flickering images in my mind.
I was afraid of daylight, of the endless chores and responsibilities, the presence and smiles people are waiting for (to make them less worried).
Now sleep is tearing me apart.
I need to rest, yet I need to do work.
Even if i rested a lot, it never seemed to be enough, work is never done, and important people are waiting for me to complete things.
Future seems bleak for me, I kept thinking I cannot finish my fyp, kept thinking I don't even dare to send in any resume because I have no confidence in appearing for work on time, nor seek understanding for my frequent hospital visits, or handle any judging eyes, sympathetic words, and frustrated sighs.
Sleeping used to give me lots of energy, feelings of bliss and pure happiness.
But now I feel so guilty whenever I gave in to sleep, work not done, work not done, work not done.
Critical voices kept repeating and repeating, I have nowhere to hide.
I'm so sorry, I can't continue this post anymore..
No comments:
Post a Comment