Long Time No See (Xiaoling)

It's been about 8 months since I blogged.

I guess nobody blogs now, neither do people read blogs of their friends anymore.

Everyone knows I love writing, I started this blog since my JC times, when blogging was still a hot trend. I know I wrote terribly, with my illogical thought process and wrong grammar everywhere, but I just like to write. (even prefer to pen things down)

Few weeks ago, I read some of my childish post in the past, pictures and people's comments, I realised I am quite a different person from then.

I felt like I was really open about my thoughts and my life, until I experienced a few unhappy incidents, then I started to be afraid of how would people judge what I was thinking. Will people ask me if I was okay or asked what happened if I posted something really emo?

At that point of time, I thought being emo was such a bad, bad thing.

It's like a sign of vulnerability? Like losing control over your own emotions?

I would never cry, be sad, or sulk in front of people I'm not close with.

Anyway, someone who knew what happened to me gave me an advice to not revealing too much of yourself on social media, which I know was probably a good suggestion, as people involved could be reading my blog.

So I did, I wrote lesser and lesser, sometimes it was just a picture, with simple captions, other times it was just quotes or a few sentences.

All these really reflected my change in personality.

As I read blogs that are still famous now, or just became famous, I was quite curious whether they are still the same from the first post.

Most of them have thrown away that true "first post", only a few kept it and just like me, those posts of the pasts seemed really immature and self-centered, like it's about ME and MY life.

Then life got serious and complicated, our thoughts got challenged day by day, and the depth of the post went deeper, where people started talking about moral and values, their personal life-changing experiences, or just their ootds. 

People talk about serious matter as it is not as personal, or talk about life-changing experiences because it didn't affect them as much anymore, it is more about sharing and helping anyone who popped by.

Just a thought that, I used to be a person so proud of being open and straightforward, now that I don't think I am anymore, I guess I probably don't like myself as much as in the past?
Nowadays, I kept most of my personal matter private,  I choose the kind of thing I talk about to different people, or not at all. 

All of a sudden, I became rather scared to pen things down, I felt like it's like a mirror, telling me who I really am, and I guess I am afraid to see what's on the "mirror".

What if I hate how I look?

I put down my pen, and took up a pencil instead.

I started to draw.

I tried hand lettering, watercolouring, 3D perspectives, nail art, sewing... I'm still kinda bad at it, but it's quite therapeutic doing all these.

I feel that art is helps to conceal yourself.

You can be abstract, people won't know what you're thinking.

You can be realistic, people still won't know what you're thinking, depending on what you choose to draw. 

Okay, this post is getting longer than expected, I do see myself posting more often from now on, probably more on my masterpieces? haha. (omg my first "haha" after so long)

I guess I should continue writing here, I realise this blog serves more like a diary than the Nth book I tried writing on and naming it "My Diary".

Just some stats: this is my 843th post, I started since 2006 and this blog is 9 years old! If you have followed this blog from 2006, thank you for your 9 years being my good old friend. You've probably seen the best and worst of me :)